Growing In Godliness Blog

Growing In Godliness Blog


Categories: Author: Mark McCrary, Love, Relationships


By Mark McCrary

Interpersonal relationships are crucial to us as human beings. One of the first statements of God regarding us was, “It is not good that man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18).  But, sometimes relationships, as important as they are, are challenging to maintain—even among Christians.  There are times when brothers and sisters in Christ don’t get along with one another.

One of the greatest skills necessary in those moments is the very one that is often not found:  the ability to actually listen to others in conflict.  So often, we formulate preconceived ideas about what someone thinks, what their motivations are, what they are really getting at; then, our reactions are based not on what they are saying or doing, but on our preconceptions of what they are thinking and meaning.  As a result, communication stops, and conflict arises.  This happens in homes, in churches, in businesses—everywhere there are people.

What can we do about this?

“So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:19-20).

Within the context, James is likely addressing our need to listen to God and His instructions to us, but it certainly also has great application in our relationships with one another.  How much we would be helped if we slowed down and just listened! Not formulate a rebuttal! Not vent all my frustrations! Not psychoanalyze my opponent at the moment! Not even view the one with whom I am in conflict as my opponent! Saber rattling really does little good in such moment other than encourage the one with whom we disagree to rattle their back at us.  Here’s a crazy idea: simply listen.  Take it in. Seek to understand.  Not necessarily agree; just understand.

Something radical might happen if we would only do this.  We might find we don’t disagree.  At the least, perhaps we would find we are a lot closer to than we think.  God urged Israel in Isaiah 1:18, “Come, let us reason together.”  May God help us to have the same attitudes as husband and wives, parents and children, elders and congregations, and brothers and sisters in Christ. 

What a wonderful resolution it would be to listen and think about what others are saying more.  What a wonderful resolution it would be to stop shaking our fists so much and open our ears more. We would likely find that God’s ways are actually better than man’s wrath at bringing about peace.